(i though i had deleted this post accidentally a week ago but it was magically saved!)
Why is it hard to believe in God? It's simple--because we keep focusing on the things we do (vs. the things He does) and the bad things that keep happening.
Despite all the wonderful things that God has blessed me with (marriage, an incredible husband, law school, friends, family...) it's still so hard to not get caught up in everything else that goes wrong. And once those things go wrong, bad memories creep up and everything spirals downwards.
Recently, it has been hard not to think about all the things that make it hard for me to believe in God. Actually, by recently I mean for awhile. That is because I am selfish and self-pitying. I think about the lives He's taken away, my broken family, seemingly hopeless situations...
It's almost like when Al and I get annoyed at each other for not doing chores or helping out around the apartment--we focus (or at least I do) on what we have done individually. Our focus on ourselves is so intense that we blind ourselves into forgetting all the other things the other one has done. All we have to do to remedy the situation is to turn our focus away from ourselves and instead look to each other first.
In the same way, I know that I need to look to Christ and stop focusing on myself.